NEST: Behaviour, Regulation and Relationships

At Northfields, we are at the early stages of introducing NEST, our developing whole-school approach to Neuro-Inclusive Environments for Safety and Thriving. (July 2026)

NEST helps pupils feel safe, understood and ready to learn. It supports children to recognise their feelings, manage big emotions, repair relationships and make positive choices.

NEST is not about removing boundaries or expectations. It is about adults responding calmly and consistently, while helping children learn the skills they need to manage difficult moments more successfully.

NEST sits closely alongside our school values of REACH: Respect, Expression, Achievement, Creative, and Hearts full of fun. It helps us create an environment where pupils feel secure, valued and able to thrive.

Why we use NEST

Young children are still developing the skills they need to manage frustration, disappointment, anxiety, excitement and conflict. These skills do not appear overnight. They are taught, practised and strengthened through the support of steady, reliable adults.

For young children, behaviour is often communication. This does not mean that all behaviour is acceptable. It means that adults need to notice what may be sitting underneath the behaviour, while still teaching children what is safe, kind and appropriate.

Through NEST, we aim to support pupils to become more emotionally aware, more independent, more resilient and better able to manage themselves in school and beyond.

The Four Steps

This simple sequence helps adults respond calmly and consistently: validate the feeling, hold the boundary, offer the next step, then follow through without getting drawn into debate.

What this looks like in school

At school, NEST helps us provide a consistent approach across classrooms, playtimes and wider school life. Our aim is for pupils to experience adults who are calm, kind, clear and consistent.

This means we help pupils understand that:

  • Feelings are allowed, but some behaviours are not.
  • Mistakes can be repaired.
  • Boundaries remain in place.
  • Adults will help pupils take the next step.
  • Every child can learn the skills they need to manage difficult moments more successfully.

This approach helps children feel understood without allowing unsafe or unkind behaviour to continue. Children need warmth and connection, but they also need structure, predictability and adults who mean what they say.

How families can use NEST at home

Families can support this at home by using the same simple, calm pattern. When your child is upset, try naming the feeling first, then hold the boundary. This does not mean agreeing with the behaviour; it helps your child feel understood, which often makes it easier for them to listen.

For example, instead of starting with, “Stop shouting,” you might say:

“I can see you are angry. I am not going to let you shout at me. You can tell me what happened using a calmer voice.”

Or, if your child refuses to turn off a screen:

“I know you want more time. It is hard to stop when you are enjoying it. The tablet is still going off now. You can help me plug it in, then we will choose what happens next.”

The key is consistency. Children feel safer when adults respond in predictable ways. Nobody gets this right every time, but returning to the same calm pattern helps: name the feeling, hold the boundary, offer the next step, then follow through. Try not to get drawn into a debate once the boundary has been set.

There may be times when an adult feels too frustrated, tired or overwhelmed to respond as calmly as they would like. In those moments, it can help to pause, take a breath, or swap with another trusted adult if possible. A simple, “I’m going to take a moment and Dad/Mum/Nan will help you now,” can stop things escalating and shows children that adults have feelings too, and can manage them safely.

Talking after the moment has passed

It is often best to talk things through after the moment has passed. When children are very upset, they are rarely ready for long explanations. Later, when they are calm, you might briefly revisit what happened:

“You were really upset earlier when it was time to leave. Next time, what could help you?”

“What can we do to put that right?”

“What could you say if you feel cross again?”

Over time, this helps children build the language and strategies they need to manage difficult moments more successfully.

Working together

When school and home use a shared approach, children hear the same message from the adults around them:

You are safe. You are cared for. The boundary remains. We will help you take the next step.

If you would like support with your child’s behaviour, emotions or routines at home, please speak to your child’s class teacher or contact our SENCo/family support team.

If you would like more support with your child’s behaviour, emotions or routines at home, please speak to your child’s class teacher in the first instance.

You can also visit our SEND Support at Northfields page, which explains how we support pupils with additional needs, how concerns can be raised, and what families can expect from our graduated approach, including the Hertfordshire Local Offer and Angels.